The Candy Theory

written by: Muhammad Irfan Perdana

This note is aimed at men. No wait, maybe it's not. Hmm, whatever it should be aimed at, I'm just here trying to elaborate a view (or perhaps, a theory) on females that is held by quite a large number of boys and men all over the world.

By the way, I am NOT a proponent of this view. And I apologize in advance if any of my words seem inappropriate or offend anybody.

Men. At their worst, a lot of men regard women with little, if any, respect. They seem to see women as nothing more than mere toys; objects of pleasure which walk on this Earth simply to fulfill the men's lust and satisfy their sexual needs, whether it involves sexual intercourse or not. Collectible items with differing smells, sounds, sights, and worst of all, tastes, and that men should get their hands on as much of these "items" as possible, as to try out all the different tastes, because those who taste more get more out of life and can be considered superior to other men.

Quite a terrible view, right? Sadly, this view is now being held by even adolescent males in a lot of places. Although teenage boys see it in a more, shall we say,"less-horny" way, in principle it is still the same. Let's call it 'the candy theory' for the sake of argument.

Simply put, the candy theory goes like this (all 'we' words mean 'men'): Girls are like candy. We might enjoy a certain type of candy more than other types, but we don't want that candy to be the ONLY candy in our life, now would we? One day we might prefer this type of candy, the next day that type of candy, the following day another type of candy, and another day yet another type of candy. We wouldn't like to just have ONE type of candy in our lives, right? I mean, we'd just get bored eating that candy over and over again, no matter how sweet it is, and eventually we'll stop enjoying it, which leads us to throw that candy out in our lives. Much later, when we've had other types of candy, THEN we might consider of taking that 'thrown-out' candy back in our lives, only to be replaced again someday. Hey, to prevent boredom, we can even experiment on our candies. We can eat more than one type of candy at once. We can combine two types of candy and see how they merge. We can coat the candies in different types of covering as to see the varying levels of attraction it might produce. Whatever we decide to do, we do it. It's our candy, and we have every right to do whatever we want with it.

Sad, isn't it? Yet many teenage boys indulge themselves in this view, consciously or not. Scientifically speaking, it is the beautiful work of hormonal attacks in our bodies. Religiously speaking, it is the cursed art of the devil, leading us males astray.

But sometimes, females also indulge themselves in this view. Strippers, whores and the like are, in 'the candy theory', are just hard-to-get, money-wasting candy. But they know they're candy, and they know men around them can't stand not having sweets in their mouth. By donning the right kind of covering (or sometimes, NO covering), they allure men to try them out, for the right price. And unfortunately, more and more adolescent girls are following this view, using their feminine charms and sex appeal to tempt boys into candy-tasting. Free sex and premarital sexual contact are the most common and obvious results.

Owners and sellers of porn magazines are just candy-store owners. They 'sell' candy pictures which look sweet and delicious. People who run night clubs and strip clubs are the same. Men who run brothels are just candy-sellers. Prostitutes and sex workers are individual candies, selling themselves for a living.

But what all these people DON'T realize is that, when you eat too much candy, you're bound to get sick. Very, very sick. Unhealthy at the very least, death at the very worst (How, you ask? Well, diabetes for one).

Please. For all the boys and men that read this: There is no point in any of you trying to be Willy Wonka! And believe me, there is no ADVANTAGE in being Willy Wonka. Contrary to what you might conceive, FREE SEX DOES NOT EQUAL FREEDOM! You are foolish if you think having as much females by your side, whether for sex or otherwise, showcase your freedom and power over them. No. It just goes to show that you're dumb for thinking that being a Willy Wonka brings you happiness.
And for all the girls and women that read this: You are not candy! You are human beings, whether you like it or not. You shouldn't lower your pride and dignity as a human by selling yourselves as candy. You were born a human, and no matter what you do you shall die a human. Now, it's just a matter of LIVING as a human. Don't take treatment from your male acquaintances as if they own you, because THEY DON'T, alright? Do not sell yourselves, and do not wish to be bought.

Two final things.

First, I disapprove of free sex and premarital sexual contact.

Second, yes I agree that girls are sweet. But they are definitely no candy, because I know one day I will have the strength to make a commitment and stick with a woman I shall love until I die, and that just proves this whole theory (especially the part about getting bored if I only have one candy in my life) wrong, doesn't it? Besides, an uncountable amount of men have settled down with the so-called "one type of candy". It doesn't show there are exceptions to the "males-like-to-have-more-t

han-one-type-of-candy-in-their-lives" thing, just that girls are not candy.